Over the last few days I have felt a sense of sadness, just underneath the surface…. At first I wasn’t sure what it was, over this last year my emotions can range from one end of the spectrum to the the next. But here it is, that little feeling that can eat at you if you let it…or you feel it, acknowledge it, pray about it, and then let it go.
You see yesterday was 18 years that my momma has been gone from this earth, 18 years that I haven’t heard her voice, or felt her touch. That woman was such a sweet woman and as tiny as she was, her heart was bigger than any other I have ever known. One thing about my momma….she absolutely loved and adored children. If she had been able, our home would have been full of them…and in reality it was, growing up our house was always full of children.
Yesterday I made quite a few bracelets for little girls. As I held the little bracelets in my hand I had a rush of emotions. I smiled as it brought memories of my momma and how she loved children. I smiled as I thought of my nieces and how I love them. I cried…I cried for a dream that has never come to be. I picked out the name for my little girl that I would some day have, Thea Marie, when I was 12 years old. I will soon be 39 and that little girl is only in my dreams. A little girl that I will never hold, buy pretty dresses for, play dress up with, or smother in hugs and kisses. She lives in my dreams….
God has used this past year to show me so many things. He taught me about peace, He taught me about purpose, and He taught me about holding on and letting go. When that feeling of loss, of sadness comes for the child that never was, I can feel it and acknowledge it…then let it go.
My mother lives in me…and I though I do not have a child of my own, I do have a mother’s heart. As I hold these little bracelets in my hand, I feel a bit of sadness but more than that I feel a sense of peace. I can express the love I have in this heart of mine through my jewelry, it is a piece of my heart and a piece of my mom’s that I can share. The joy I feel knowing God will let my dreams live on is unexplainable ❤
melissasheart 